Tales From a Female Traveller

Everything’s gonna be fine fine fine

Since I’ve been away and been able to talk to many different people there’s always one question that comes up the most. “Aren’t you scared?”... and to tell you the truth, there’s no one answer... yes I’m scared... sometimes I’m terrified, but to do what I’m doing despite being afraid of the unknown seems to win points with people who aren’t travelling alone and could never imagine themselves doing so, and after they hear that you are scared even though you’re still doing it, they always, always, tell me I’m brave. I was listening to my mp3 player last night and my favourite Alanis song suddenly made a whole lot more sense to me, it’s like the song is about my life right at this moment… I know this sounds reaaaaally lame and totally ridiculous… you’re all thinking to yourselves “she relates her life to a SONG??” honestly though, hear me out.
I’m broke but I’m happy, I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m a traveller, I am always broke. I speak to people who are paying US $25 for a room a night at luxurious hotels along the beach front and here I am paying a meagre AU $8 for a modest one bed room with a ceiling fan instead of air con and a TV to keep me company. It’s all good though because this is what I’ve chosen to do and right now, it makes me happy to be as free as I am.
I’m short but I’m healthy yeah
Not really THAT short I suppose... and I am now healthy again... no more Delhi Belly for now thankyouverymuchly.
I’m high but I’m grounded, I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
It’s so funny that you can be so high on life and everything it has to offer, yet still have a level head when it counts the most. I decided to travel not because I wanted to run away from anything, but moreso because I wanted to run into life... and to experience different parts of life. I am happy with my life back home, actually, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in about 10 years, but the itch to travel the world before I had to act like a real adult was more prominent than any other idea I’ve ever had. Yet it’s such an overwhelming thing at times I just want to scream because I feel like I have actually lost my mind.
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby
I don’t consider this a bad thing. I consider it a learning curve... not really knowing where I totally want my life to go and what I want to become of it. But I think that everything happens for a reason so I am not too worried about it all. Everything works out as it should.
And what it all comes down to, is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine,
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s givin a high five

I’m drunk but I’m sober
Drunk on different cultures and the dominance of my own, but every day I am sobered and put in my place by certain events that touch my life as I travel the world. Giving food to a child beggar in Cambodia so she can eat for the day, crying along with a Land Mines victim as he tells me how a mine blew off his leg as he gathered firewood in the forest and how he still feels the pain where his leg should be, having a tribal woman treat me so warmly to try and get me to buy a bangle and then being thanked profusely with a hug when I did, as though I had just saved her life, checking the vital signs of a baby that has fallen off a couch and bashed his head and then making sure I followed basic first aid rules of concussion so the parents didn’t have to pay an unnecessary hospital fee they do not have, being lead around Angkor by a ten year old boy whose aspirations of becoming a tour guide so he can drag himself out of the poverty he lives in come true with each set of tourists he befriends… all of these events have changed me in so many ways and forced me to look at myself and how I lead my own life… it certainly is a sobering experience.
I’m young and I’m underpaid
More like, I’m young and I’m unemployed.
I’m tired but I’m working yeah
I care but I’m restless I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby
And what it all comes down to is that everything’s gonna quite alright
Coz I’ve got one hand my pocket and the other one’s flickin a cigarette

And what it all comes down to is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
It’s true, I haven’t got it all worked out… but I believe that part of this journey I’m on will help me realise my true potential if not make me a much better person than I am now.
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s givin a peace sign

I’m free but I’m focused I’m green but I’m wise
The first night I was in Patong I had dinner with a South African gentleman named Brian because I was stood up by a 22 yo French boy who got way in over his head when he asked me out two seconds after meeting me... and the conversation I had with this man was so enriching, and not just for me. I feel so free, travelling the world, but I also have a great sense of purpose as I’m doing it. Brian commented to me that it was a pleasure for him to speak to someone like me and at times he would forget my age and start talking to me about things he lived through thirty years ago as though I should remember them like I was there too. Wise beyond my years he would say to me… yet still I feel very very confined and new to the world in some ways. Young but old. Green but wise.
I’m hard but I’m friendly baby
Nina and Paul from Manchester found this when they first met me on the bus to Patong. (see below)
I’m sad but I’m laughin I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sad because I miss home a lot, but I’m having such a great time that it overrides it most of the time. If I had to be completely open about things, I am so scared it’s pathetic... every night I contemplate not going out to dinner because I would have to sit in the restaurant alone while everyone else around me enjoyed the company of someone they are travelling with, and every night I bite the bullet and go out anyway. I may look brave, but in reality, if people could read my thoughts, they’d see that I’m chicken shit and not brave at all. I just don’t want to be pathetic, sitting in my hotel room wishing I had the guts to go out, no matter what people think. Funnily enough, I always end up meeting someone along the way and haven’t eaten dinner alone once since B went home. On my last night in Patong I met a really nice American named Trevor who took it upon himself to leave his group of friends to make conversation with me. The night before that I drank myself stupid with a couple from Manchester who I caught the bus to Phuket with but barely spoke two words to on the ride, and now I have a place to stay when I arrive in England. The night before that I met Brian after being stood up and had the most refreshing conversation I’ve had in months. So… even though I’m chicken shit… I get myself past it. And even if when I do go out for dinner and there isn’t someone there to share it with, that’s okay too.
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby
My sense of humour is pretty warped. I’m not as innocent as I look... or so say the couple from Manchester.
And what it all boils down to is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
But I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s playin a piano
And what it all comes down to my friends yeah, is that everything is just fine fine fine
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s hailin a taxi cab
Everything really is gonna be fine, and even though I miss B and wish he could still be experiencing these things with me… I’m gonna be alright. To quote Hillary Clinton “Fear is always with us, but we just don’t have time for it. Not now.”

posted by Lucyspeak @ 12:56 pm