Tales From a Female Traveller

Puke-et

http://au.blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-a6zLd1M9bqXYFufi8VqDDClTLg--?cq=1

The bus to Phuket was absolutely terrible. We were supposed to leave at 6pm from Khao San Road and ended up circling Bangkok for TWO.. yes that's right.. TWO hours... GOD only knows why... maybe there's some crazy Thai rule that says a bus load of tourists MUST do at least 5 laps of Bangkok before departing... maybe it's some kind of depatrue tax like you have to pay at the airport (COMPLETE rip off by the way)... seriously... we literally just went in circles.. we didn't even pick up any new passengers and everytime we went past Khao San Road I would look through the faces on the bus to see the reaction only to get nothing... not even a hinting look of sudden confusion from the guy who was smoking weed in the toilet downstairs... nothing... it's like only I was aware that we hadn't actually left Bangkok... so there I sat.. in my newly aquired seat... counting how many times we passed the Victory Monument. I had actually been placed in a seat next to a Korean girl when we first boarded the bus, but during one of our round trips a la Bangkok a couple had realised that they were on the wrong bus and got out across from Khao San... MAYBE... the bus attendants KNEW that these people were on the wrong bus and decided to play with the people to see if they noticed we were circling their OWN bus... LOL.. so.. they got off and the attendant asked me if I'd like to move. I was a little hesitant about taking her up on the offer because earlier, there had been two girls sitting by the window in different spots, but there was a couple travelling together and these girls were taking up the only vacant seats and when the attendant asked one girl to move she bitched about sitting next to the window so much that the attendant had to resort to asking the other girl to move, which she begrugingly did... so the two seat hoggers were placed together and the couple were given the last remaining two seats together. So in my moment of hesistation I thought back to this scene and decided that since I had personally been asked if I'd like the two seats together.. I would take it. As I looked back at the window whiners I recieved unfriendly death stares and turned back around smiling to myself. The Thai's don't like to make scenes and because I so graciously took the seat I was originally given, I was rewarded with two seats to myself while the girls who bitched and moaned got nothing. My cultural awareness had paid off.
My instincts also paid off later, because when the bus finally did leave Bangkok after the biggest merry go round ride ever, it stopped throughout the night so many times I can't even remember... then at about 6:30am we were all ushered off the bus in the middle of NOWHERE to wait for a second connecting bus to Phuket. It was so hot and sweaty in the bus and we were all cramped into each other and I was squished against the window with NO leg room and we were all SO tired and grumpy when the mini bus stopped again... and again we were all ushered off the bus and told if we wanted to continue we had to pay an extra 100 baht, despite having to pay 400 and originally being told that it would get us all the way through to Phuket.. yeah right... can you say scam bus? No amount of arguing or questioning did any good so we all had to pay the 100 baht. Then we all got back on the mini bus for a 2 or 3 hour journey.. along the way we all started to fall asleep and the guy sitting next to me scared shit outta me when his leg jolted into mine. My instant reaction was to push his leg away with mine and so that's what happened. When we stopped AGAIN he changed places with his girlfriend...lol. At this stop however is when I got REALLY ticked off. Once more we were ushered OFF the mini bus and into some dodgy travel agent where the woman ordered me to sit and tell her where I was going. "Phuket" I said politely but a little annoyed... why the hell was I on the bus to Phuket in the first place if I WASN'T going to Phuket... so I thought the question was a little stupid. Then she says "Where you stay?" but each question sounded more like an order from a drill sergent than a question from a helpful travel agent so I promtly answered her. "I don't know yet." To which she barked "You book hotel here! No rooms in Phuket if not book here!!" So... I was like... okay... l'll hear her out. "Okay." I say. "How much?" "You stay in Phuket Town or Patong?" she demands. "Patong." I answer obediently. "How long?" she says. "Maybe two or three nights." I reply. "THOUSAND BAHT!!" she announces rather loudly. "For three nights??" I ask hopefully. "THOUSAND BAHT NIGHT!!" She yells back. "Wow" I say... "Too much. I need something cheaper." "NO CHEAPER. THOUSAND BAHT NIGHT CHEAP!!" she yells again. At this point I was bewildered... the travel bible clearly stated that I could get a room for 400 a night. "No no, I will stay somewhere else thank you." I say apologetically. "YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!!!! YOU GET OUT!!!" She suddenly shrieks at me stunning me into silence. I had no idea what to do.. what if she was telling the truth.. what if there were no cheap beds left... noooo I told myself. Don't be stupid. This is the low season.. of COURSE there will be beds. SO at her orders I left the "travel agent" and got back on the bus completely pissed off that I had been treated this way and hadn't stood up for myself but defiant in the fact that I WOULD find a cheaper room. The poms also seemed a little pissed and they also had not booked anything. It just felt like the biggest rip off and I'm glad I went with my instincts. 1000 baht per night. Who was she kidding? I may be a little green but I sure as hell am no idiot. So when we all got back on the bus I was sick of everything, sick of all the bloody stopping, sick of being ripped off, sick of the hot and sweaty condiditons in the bus and sick of the weird guy sitting behind me with the strange twitch and even stranger sniff like sound he kept making. When we FINALLY arrived in Patong the driver had NO idea where we were going and kept driving up tiny back streets to ask directions to god knows where... so when he stopped to let the New Zealand girls out I was off with them and in no time using my adrenaline filled body to hoist my more than heavy pack onto my back and I trudged off on my own to find a suitable place to stay. Within minutes I was approached by a French guy on a moto who asked if he could help, and rather than continue playing charades with the taxi driver I was trying to communicate with I took the Frenchman up on his offer and he drove me to a place around the corner called the Nancy Best hotel where I found a room for 400 baht a night. "Stupid drill sergent lady".. I thought to myself.. "joke's on you." I mumbled, and settled in.
Later that night I was supposed to have a drink with "Lu Lu" the frenchman to repay him for his kindness but he stood me up and I ended up having dinner with a man from South Africa who could never go back to Australia where he lived for years because the government is after him for tax evasion or something equally intriguing. So what was a relatively crappy day turned out to be a pleasant evening talking to a like minded person about travel, politics, religion and all the other garbage people shouldn't rave on about. The next night, after a day of riding around the coast on a moto and visiting all the beaches down to the cape I took a walk around the town and ended up running into the Pommy couple from the bus. Turns out they are really great people and they gave me so much crap about the knee incident that I was quickly dubbed "The Kicker" which I am thrilled about naturally. It was THE craziest night I've had so far and we all got SO drunk on buckets of Sang Som whiskey and red bull that I ended up having to stay with them at their resort. We went to the Tiger Bar and it's full of all these dancing "girls" (some aren't girls at all) and Nina decided to see if one really WAS a girl... I won't tell you how she did this, I'll leave it up to your imagination... but she enticed one of them to give me a sort of "lap dance" to which I STONGLY protested.. the photo's speak for themselves... The night wore on and suddenly I was that drunk I couldn't stand and my body was emptying itself of everything it could, anywhere it could, the floor of the bar, the sidewalk, the tuk tuk... I was in NO shape to get back to my guest house and they were too decent of people to leave me alone... so they took care of me the whole night... suffering from being drunk themselves and looking a lot more worse for wear than me when morning came. I was feeling absolutely fine until I stood up... and then all that whiskey just hit me like a steam strain and knocked me for six. We all vowed to meet again at the Full Moon Party and they told me I had somewhere to stay when I arrived in England and that I MUST call. I hope they were genuine about this, they said they were, so I hope they are because they are really great people and just so decent. I ended up carrying myself back to my guest house and crashed out until late afternoon when I cleaned myself up and decided to go for dinner on the beach... that's where I met Trevor.
Trevor was a really nice American guy from Virginia who invited himself to sit with me after I had had dinner. We ended up talking until about 1 or 2 in the morning and he gave me his email. I'll probably never see him again but he was a great guy and a pleasure to talk to.
I left Phuket the next day and headed off to Ko Phi Phi (where they filmed the Beach) where all it would do was rain.
Phuket was great not because of the beaches or the weather, but because of the people I met. So far, it's been smashing.

posted by Lucyspeak @ 7:25 pm