Laos
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I don't have a wonderfully witty name for this entry as my head is full of a massive cold I picked up after the full moon party, but I thought I would take the time to finally put to the blog about our time in Laos. Due to my unscheduled bout of sickness the time we now had to go through Vietnam and Laos was running dangerously thin and we had to decide whether or not to ehad to Hanoi after Saigon, bypassing Laos altogether or just skip Hanoi and go to Laos. Then there was the problem of deciding where in Laos to go; Luang Prabang or Vientiene? In the end we decided to skip Hanoi and fly into Vientiene seeing as it was easier to get to Bangkok for B's flight home.
When we arrived in Vientiene we didn't have a passport photo for the visa and had to pay a rediculous amount so a rent-a-cop could plug in a photocopy machine and zeroz our passports. It's beyond me the way they can just rip people off without a second thought and sometimes yu cannot help but get the shits about the complete lack of structure to anything and everything. But when we finally got through visa control B was held up with strange questions from customs officials... very strange. After we made it through we were bailed into an old beat up Toyota Corona and herded off to our Guest House where for once, the Travel Bible did NOT let us down and we scored a pretty good twin bed room and settled in.
I actually liked Laos despite the hccups we faced (including one woman who tried to tell me my very legitimate american money was too old to be legal tendor... funny how in a country that is NOT america they consider the american dollar "legal tendor"... so I refused to take no for an answer and eventually she had to take it...) at the airport and in some shops and the flea infested restaurant we ate dinner at. It's the kind of place where the days cruise by and before you know it the sun is going down and it's time to eat dinner again. The people in Laos are quite polite and very warm and it was the first time we could rent a moto without having to have a driver, so the freedom we experienced in Laos was much greater than in Thailand or Cambodia. Farang (foreigners) aren't usually allowed to rent motos in such places due to the high number of accidents that occur each year from unexperienced and speed hungry people who lose control, crash and sometimes die on South East Asian roads, so when we discovered we were able to rent the moto in Laos we signed on. Thruthfully, in a place like Vientiene you don't need to go fast and more often than not you have to catch yourself from going under the speed limit rather than over it. So with a few practice runs around the block to get used to the gears and after ditching the helmets that would have caused more injury if we crashed than had we not been wearing them, we headed off to find the Buddha Park. At first we couldn't find it and turned around because we thought we had missed it somewhere alongt he line but when we stopped for the best ice cream I've had in my life the owner told us we had to keep going and that we'd eventually find it, so that we did.
The Buddha Park was apparently put togetherin the 1950's by a retired Monk. It's set right on the river side and features a bizzare cement turnip like structure which you can climb into and gawk at the hideous version of someone's idea of the underworld. (Buffy eat your heart out, I got my photo take IN the Hellmouth!!!) So seeing statues of a skeleton bashing a baby against the ground was not an uncommon sight here. When you climb through the tiny staired manholes and come out on top of the "Hell Turnip" yuo're rewarded with a birds eye view of the Buddha Park, a massove expanse of land filled with statues of every kind of Buddha you can imagine, from Buddha to Vishnu and a huge reclining Buddha that presents itself as the highlight of the park. It was such a change of scenery from the same old temples we were seeing throughout our travels...
We also visited a monument that is supposed to rememble the Victory Monument in France where you get a 360 degree view of Vientiene and refused to pay a 500 Baht entry fee into That Luang which looked brilliantly beautiful in the late afternoon sunlight reflecting off the gold paint it's covered in. I did however, do that time old tourist scam of paying to set free some birds for good luck, which was actually quite fun.
We also took a trip to the Morning Markets (which actually run all day) which was fun, except they're always muddy in some spots but its good to see the kinds of things they sell... everything from the same old tourist crap to herbal and traditional medicines.
All in Laos was nice and it's a shame we didn't have more time to explore some of the countryside but I am glad we chose Vientiene.
In other news... today (8/12/06) is the Queens Birthday in Thaiand.. Yay!
Everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
Since I’ve been away and been able to talk to many different people there’s always one question that comes up the most. “Aren’t you scared?”... and to tell you the truth, there’s no one answer... yes I’m scared... sometimes I’m terrified, but to do what I’m doing despite being afraid of the unknown seems to win points with people who aren’t travelling alone and could never imagine themselves doing so, and after they hear that you are scared even though you’re still doing it, they always, always, tell me I’m brave. I was listening to my mp3 player last night and my favourite Alanis song suddenly made a whole lot more sense to me, it’s like the song is about my life right at this moment… I know this sounds reaaaaally lame and totally ridiculous… you’re all thinking to yourselves “she relates her life to a SONG??” honestly though, hear me out.
I’m broke but I’m happy, I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m a traveller, I am always broke. I speak to people who are paying US $25 for a room a night at luxurious hotels along the beach front and here I am paying a meagre AU $8 for a modest one bed room with a ceiling fan instead of air con and a TV to keep me company. It’s all good though because this is what I’ve chosen to do and right now, it makes me happy to be as free as I am.
I’m short but I’m healthy yeah
Not really THAT short I suppose... and I am now healthy again... no more Delhi Belly for now thankyouverymuchly.
I’m high but I’m grounded, I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
It’s so funny that you can be so high on life and everything it has to offer, yet still have a level head when it counts the most. I decided to travel not because I wanted to run away from anything, but moreso because I wanted to run into life... and to experience different parts of life. I am happy with my life back home, actually, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in about 10 years, but the itch to travel the world before I had to act like a real adult was more prominent than any other idea I’ve ever had. Yet it’s such an overwhelming thing at times I just want to scream because I feel like I have actually lost my mind.
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby
I don’t consider this a bad thing. I consider it a learning curve... not really knowing where I totally want my life to go and what I want to become of it. But I think that everything happens for a reason so I am not too worried about it all. Everything works out as it should.
And what it all comes down to, is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine,
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s givin a high five
I’m drunk but I’m sober
Drunk on different cultures and the dominance of my own, but every day I am sobered and put in my place by certain events that touch my life as I travel the world. Giving food to a child beggar in Cambodia so she can eat for the day, crying along with a Land Mines victim as he tells me how a mine blew off his leg as he gathered firewood in the forest and how he still feels the pain where his leg should be, having a tribal woman treat me so warmly to try and get me to buy a bangle and then being thanked profusely with a hug when I did, as though I had just saved her life, checking the vital signs of a baby that has fallen off a couch and bashed his head and then making sure I followed basic first aid rules of concussion so the parents didn’t have to pay an unnecessary hospital fee they do not have, being lead around Angkor by a ten year old boy whose aspirations of becoming a tour guide so he can drag himself out of the poverty he lives in come true with each set of tourists he befriends… all of these events have changed me in so many ways and forced me to look at myself and how I lead my own life… it certainly is a sobering experience.
I’m young and I’m underpaid
More like, I’m young and I’m unemployed.
I’m tired but I’m working yeah
I care but I’m restless I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby
And what it all comes down to is that everything’s gonna quite alright
Coz I’ve got one hand my pocket and the other one’s flickin a cigarette
And what it all comes down to is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
It’s true, I haven’t got it all worked out… but I believe that part of this journey I’m on will help me realise my true potential if not make me a much better person than I am now.
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s givin a peace sign
I’m free but I’m focused I’m green but I’m wise
The first night I was in Patong I had dinner with a South African gentleman named Brian because I was stood up by a 22 yo French boy who got way in over his head when he asked me out two seconds after meeting me... and the conversation I had with this man was so enriching, and not just for me. I feel so free, travelling the world, but I also have a great sense of purpose as I’m doing it. Brian commented to me that it was a pleasure for him to speak to someone like me and at times he would forget my age and start talking to me about things he lived through thirty years ago as though I should remember them like I was there too. Wise beyond my years he would say to me… yet still I feel very very confined and new to the world in some ways. Young but old. Green but wise.
I’m hard but I’m friendly baby
Nina and Paul from Manchester found this when they first met me on the bus to Patong. (see below)
I’m sad but I’m laughin I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sad because I miss home a lot, but I’m having such a great time that it overrides it most of the time. If I had to be completely open about things, I am so scared it’s pathetic... every night I contemplate not going out to dinner because I would have to sit in the restaurant alone while everyone else around me enjoyed the company of someone they are travelling with, and every night I bite the bullet and go out anyway. I may look brave, but in reality, if people could read my thoughts, they’d see that I’m chicken shit and not brave at all. I just don’t want to be pathetic, sitting in my hotel room wishing I had the guts to go out, no matter what people think. Funnily enough, I always end up meeting someone along the way and haven’t eaten dinner alone once since B went home. On my last night in Patong I met a really nice American named Trevor who took it upon himself to leave his group of friends to make conversation with me. The night before that I drank myself stupid with a couple from Manchester who I caught the bus to Phuket with but barely spoke two words to on the ride, and now I have a place to stay when I arrive in England. The night before that I met Brian after being stood up and had the most refreshing conversation I’ve had in months. So… even though I’m chicken shit… I get myself past it. And even if when I do go out for dinner and there isn’t someone there to share it with, that’s okay too.
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby
My sense of humour is pretty warped. I’m not as innocent as I look... or so say the couple from Manchester.
And what it all boils down to is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
But I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s playin a piano
And what it all comes down to my friends yeah, is that everything is just fine fine fine
Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other one’s hailin a taxi cab
Everything really is gonna be fine, and even though I miss B and wish he could still be experiencing these things with me… I’m gonna be alright. To quote Hillary Clinton “Fear is always with us, but we just don’t have time for it. Not now.”
Puke-et
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The bus to Phuket was absolutely terrible. We were supposed to leave at 6pm from Khao San Road and ended up circling Bangkok for TWO.. yes that's right.. TWO hours... GOD only knows why... maybe there's some crazy Thai rule that says a bus load of tourists MUST do at least 5 laps of Bangkok before departing... maybe it's some kind of depatrue tax like you have to pay at the airport (COMPLETE rip off by the way)... seriously... we literally just went in circles.. we didn't even pick up any new passengers and everytime we went past Khao San Road I would look through the faces on the bus to see the reaction only to get nothing... not even a hinting look of sudden confusion from the guy who was smoking weed in the toilet downstairs... nothing... it's like only I was aware that we hadn't actually left Bangkok... so there I sat.. in my newly aquired seat... counting how many times we passed the Victory Monument. I had actually been placed in a seat next to a Korean girl when we first boarded the bus, but during one of our round trips a la Bangkok a couple had realised that they were on the wrong bus and got out across from Khao San... MAYBE... the bus attendants KNEW that these people were on the wrong bus and decided to play with the people to see if they noticed we were circling their OWN bus... LOL.. so.. they got off and the attendant asked me if I'd like to move. I was a little hesitant about taking her up on the offer because earlier, there had been two girls sitting by the window in different spots, but there was a couple travelling together and these girls were taking up the only vacant seats and when the attendant asked one girl to move she bitched about sitting next to the window so much that the attendant had to resort to asking the other girl to move, which she begrugingly did... so the two seat hoggers were placed together and the couple were given the last remaining two seats together. So in my moment of hesistation I thought back to this scene and decided that since I had personally been asked if I'd like the two seats together.. I would take it. As I looked back at the window whiners I recieved unfriendly death stares and turned back around smiling to myself. The Thai's don't like to make scenes and because I so graciously took the seat I was originally given, I was rewarded with two seats to myself while the girls who bitched and moaned got nothing. My cultural awareness had paid off.
My instincts also paid off later, because when the bus finally did leave Bangkok after the biggest merry go round ride ever, it stopped throughout the night so many times I can't even remember... then at about 6:30am we were all ushered off the bus in the middle of NOWHERE to wait for a second connecting bus to Phuket. It was so hot and sweaty in the bus and we were all cramped into each other and I was squished against the window with NO leg room and we were all SO tired and grumpy when the mini bus stopped again... and again we were all ushered off the bus and told if we wanted to continue we had to pay an extra 100 baht, despite having to pay 400 and originally being told that it would get us all the way through to Phuket.. yeah right... can you say scam bus? No amount of arguing or questioning did any good so we all had to pay the 100 baht. Then we all got back on the mini bus for a 2 or 3 hour journey.. along the way we all started to fall asleep and the guy sitting next to me scared shit outta me when his leg jolted into mine. My instant reaction was to push his leg away with mine and so that's what happened. When we stopped AGAIN he changed places with his girlfriend...lol. At this stop however is when I got REALLY ticked off. Once more we were ushered OFF the mini bus and into some dodgy travel agent where the woman ordered me to sit and tell her where I was going. "Phuket" I said politely but a little annoyed... why the hell was I on the bus to Phuket in the first place if I WASN'T going to Phuket... so I thought the question was a little stupid. Then she says "Where you stay?" but each question sounded more like an order from a drill sergent than a question from a helpful travel agent so I promtly answered her. "I don't know yet." To which she barked "You book hotel here! No rooms in Phuket if not book here!!" So... I was like... okay... l'll hear her out. "Okay." I say. "How much?" "You stay in Phuket Town or Patong?" she demands. "Patong." I answer obediently. "How long?" she says. "Maybe two or three nights." I reply. "THOUSAND BAHT!!" she announces rather loudly. "For three nights??" I ask hopefully. "THOUSAND BAHT NIGHT!!" She yells back. "Wow" I say... "Too much. I need something cheaper." "NO CHEAPER. THOUSAND BAHT NIGHT CHEAP!!" she yells again. At this point I was bewildered... the travel bible clearly stated that I could get a room for 400 a night. "No no, I will stay somewhere else thank you." I say apologetically. "YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME!!!! YOU GET OUT!!!" She suddenly shrieks at me stunning me into silence. I had no idea what to do.. what if she was telling the truth.. what if there were no cheap beds left... noooo I told myself. Don't be stupid. This is the low season.. of COURSE there will be beds. SO at her orders I left the "travel agent" and got back on the bus completely pissed off that I had been treated this way and hadn't stood up for myself but defiant in the fact that I WOULD find a cheaper room. The poms also seemed a little pissed and they also had not booked anything. It just felt like the biggest rip off and I'm glad I went with my instincts. 1000 baht per night. Who was she kidding? I may be a little green but I sure as hell am no idiot. So when we all got back on the bus I was sick of everything, sick of all the bloody stopping, sick of being ripped off, sick of the hot and sweaty condiditons in the bus and sick of the weird guy sitting behind me with the strange twitch and even stranger sniff like sound he kept making. When we FINALLY arrived in Patong the driver had NO idea where we were going and kept driving up tiny back streets to ask directions to god knows where... so when he stopped to let the New Zealand girls out I was off with them and in no time using my adrenaline filled body to hoist my more than heavy pack onto my back and I trudged off on my own to find a suitable place to stay. Within minutes I was approached by a French guy on a moto who asked if he could help, and rather than continue playing charades with the taxi driver I was trying to communicate with I took the Frenchman up on his offer and he drove me to a place around the corner called the Nancy Best hotel where I found a room for 400 baht a night. "Stupid drill sergent lady".. I thought to myself.. "joke's on you." I mumbled, and settled in.
Later that night I was supposed to have a drink with "Lu Lu" the frenchman to repay him for his kindness but he stood me up and I ended up having dinner with a man from South Africa who could never go back to Australia where he lived for years because the government is after him for tax evasion or something equally intriguing. So what was a relatively crappy day turned out to be a pleasant evening talking to a like minded person about travel, politics, religion and all the other garbage people shouldn't rave on about. The next night, after a day of riding around the coast on a moto and visiting all the beaches down to the cape I took a walk around the town and ended up running into the Pommy couple from the bus. Turns out they are really great people and they gave me so much crap about the knee incident that I was quickly dubbed "The Kicker" which I am thrilled about naturally. It was THE craziest night I've had so far and we all got SO drunk on buckets of Sang Som whiskey and red bull that I ended up having to stay with them at their resort. We went to the Tiger Bar and it's full of all these dancing "girls" (some aren't girls at all) and Nina decided to see if one really WAS a girl... I won't tell you how she did this, I'll leave it up to your imagination... but she enticed one of them to give me a sort of "lap dance" to which I STONGLY protested.. the photo's speak for themselves... The night wore on and suddenly I was that drunk I couldn't stand and my body was emptying itself of everything it could, anywhere it could, the floor of the bar, the sidewalk, the tuk tuk... I was in NO shape to get back to my guest house and they were too decent of people to leave me alone... so they took care of me the whole night... suffering from being drunk themselves and looking a lot more worse for wear than me when morning came. I was feeling absolutely fine until I stood up... and then all that whiskey just hit me like a steam strain and knocked me for six. We all vowed to meet again at the Full Moon Party and they told me I had somewhere to stay when I arrived in England and that I MUST call. I hope they were genuine about this, they said they were, so I hope they are because they are really great people and just so decent. I ended up carrying myself back to my guest house and crashed out until late afternoon when I cleaned myself up and decided to go for dinner on the beach... that's where I met Trevor.
Trevor was a really nice American guy from Virginia who invited himself to sit with me after I had had dinner. We ended up talking until about 1 or 2 in the morning and he gave me his email. I'll probably never see him again but he was a great guy and a pleasure to talk to.
I left Phuket the next day and headed off to Ko Phi Phi (where they filmed the Beach) where all it would do was rain.
Phuket was great not because of the beaches or the weather, but because of the people I met. So far, it's been smashing.
See You In Mexico
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Now that B has gone home to continue on with "normal" life, I am left alone to ponder our holiday. It’s a shame we aren’t able to hang together at home in my lounge room or on his front veranda with the sun getting in my eyes, there’s no one to remember funny stories with or talk about the crap times and the good times with. So here I am sitting in a restaurant named Chokedee in Krabi Town, and there are couples of people everywhere. To my left there is a couple of Swedish guys and in front of me, immersed in their novels sit a pair of girls. People walk up and down the strip looking at the shops and I hardly see anyone alone. It’s strange really, that I’ve met hardly any single travellers. As I sit here watching them interact and laugh at what I assume was the previous night’s adventures I think back to the great time I shared with my friend for a month and a half of travel through South East Asia.
The amount of stupid things we did are going to make such great stories for our respective grandkids, granted, they’ll probably be bored to death by that stage and have gotten themselves into so much worse by their standards that whatever we have to say will be the type of thing that only really matters to the both of us. A kind of "you had to be there" situation, but they’ll be our stories and we’ll treasure them forever and never have to regret not doing it.
So I would like to mention a few memorable moments we shared and experienced during our first big trip together. Some of them WILL be "you had to be there" moments but I’m sure all of you will understand.
The first memorable moment that sticks out in my mind was the bus ride to Chiang Mai during our first week in Thailand. We had been on such a long ride which started from getting stuffed about by a horribly dishonest cab driver back in Bangkok who almost forced us to miss the whole trip, that when it started to get dark after a WHOLE day of travelling on a bus that broke down every five minutes… I just lost all sense of composure and went a little crazy. Those of you who’ve read "You Stick a Toilet Seat Pillow on My Head and Tell Me I Look Stupid" will remember this well. The day had been SO stressful and it was so hot and the bus was playing a ridiculous form of soft porn, making us VERY uncomfortable sitting near the Monks on the bus that when I looked at the neck pillow I decided it would look just smashing as a head ornament on B. From then on out we giggled like school kids with a dirty issue of Dolly Doctor and ended up having the best bus ride of our lives. Complete hilarity. I’m sure the other people on the bus had NO idea what was going on but no one said anything the whole trip and in the end we just didn’t care about the silence and continued with our fits of giggles... after that the mood on the bus seemed to lighten and people began to talk amongst themselves.
I’ll also never forget breaking ALL the rules from the travel bible (Lonely Planet). We had arrived late in Chiang Mai thanks to the glorious bus trip that even though it was 10:30 at night, we still decided to walk into town to the Night Market where we saw Australia lose to Italy… anyway, after we had exhausted the Night Market option we decided that seeing it wasn’t far to the Backpacker Meeting Place, and seeing as we were too stubborn to pay for a taxi, we would walk back. BIG mistake. That night was THE first night we both feared for our lives… not because of strange lurking people… they were fine, they just continued on with the lurking and the sinister behaviour... but because of the dogs… so many rabid dogs. I am normally great at direction and can always find my way, but this night it was SO dark in those back streets, and I was only wearing a singlet top (BIG no no), we were both carrying backpacks (another big no no of a night) and neither of us had gotten a rabies shot (a calculated risk, plus we were close to the Red Cross Hospital back in Bangkok so we didn’t think it was a big issue)… that I lost my bearings and we took a wrong turn into an alley where a pack of dogs decided that they were going to try and make us their midnight snack. As we walked briskly along and realised it was the wrong way we turned back and headed the way we had come in only to run into a pack of dogs. One dog started following close on our heels and B hates dogs… or more accurately… they hate him… so he was a little more than panicked, as was I… "Just keep walking." I would warn… "Do NOT look at them and just keep walking." Thankfully the tactic worked and we managed not to provoke anything from them, but hearing it a step behind us, coughing and spluttering as it growled at us was the scariest sound and we were very lucky to escape it. Suffice to say we laughed about how stupid it was later and vowed never to break the bible’s rules again.
The next moment that comes to mind is the infamous cab smashing incident. And yet again, it was at the crux of another stressful day. When B opened the door of our cab and it was hit by another taxi my whole body just stiffened. Our first instincts were to run, but we knew that would be wrong anywhere and our decency glued us to the scene. Within minutes my mind was thinking about the movie Bangkok Hilton with Nicole Kidman and I found myself ordering B not sign ANYTHING… all I could think about was all those movies about Thai jails that I’d seen and I didn’t wanna end up like Claire Danes and Kate Bekingsale in some horrible female prison never seeing the light of day again. After it was all over and after we had actually made our flight to Cambodia we looked at each other on the plane and just laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, the fact that we DIDN’T end up in jail and got off pretty much scott free was amazing… we’ll never forget that one.. and B, you gotta tell your Mum about it some time…
During our Trek in Chiang Mai I was so exhausted that B ended up carrying my pack as well as his own up a very vertical mountain until we reached the Ka-ren Hill Tribe we were to stay with and by the time night fell we had mostly gotten very drunk, not because we drank a particularly large amount of alcohol, but more due to the high altitude mixed with our exhaustion… the whingeing Pom James was stung by a scorpion and everyone erupted into fits of laughter at his bitching and moaning about how much it hurt, which continued until bed time. When James decided to sleep without a shirt I crapped on about bugs so much that after a long pause for deliberation he quickly put back on his shirt, sending a round of giggles through the shelter the eight of us were staying in. Once everything was quiet I still wasn’t finished with my giggle mood and said into the darkness "Maaarge… close your eeeeyes." At which point B was laughing so hard and trying NOT to that the whole shelter was moving as he fought to keep his laughter back. "I know you’re laughing." I said... "I can feel the floor moving."… at this point the whole shelter broke the silence with a chorus of laughter and it continued that way until our sides hurt…
The water fight with the kids in Cambodia is another memorable moment. First it was B and I pitted against the kids, then it was me and the girls against B and the boys, then it was everyone against me, everyone against B and an all out free for all water fight. One of the best times interacting with the kids we’d had all trip.
Then there’s our victorious win at the Funky Monkey trivia night, B though it was gold that we’d managed to win a whole Sunday roast (which we would miss due to me being sick) by answering a total of zero questions right, and myself about 2 that it was just too funny.
B also caused me to explode with fits of laughter when he referred to the Vietnamese Dong as "Funny Money"… or was it the Laos Kip? I don’t remember when or where this was exactly... but it was the funniest thing I had heard in days and couldn’t stop laughing… then when I was having dinner with a South African gentleman in Phuket he also referred to the Thai Baht as funny money, sending me into giggles at which point I had to explain my obtuse reaction, which struck up a conversation about funny events that had occurred on our travels. I still laugh about it now.
Finally, the most recent memory that fills my brain is of when B was ready to leave for Sydney and we were at Bangkok International Airport. I hate goodbyes, I don’t handle them particularly well and I’d rather pretend that they’re not happening and just get on with it. So when we saw the photo booth I INSISTED we have some shots together. We had the whole airport coming buy to see what the hysterical laughter was all about and they ended up seeing B and I packed into a tiny booth pulling faces at a tiny camera. I’m sure we brought smiles to the faces of a lot of people that day; I know it still brings a big one to my own and whenever I feel down and need a laugh… I just look at those shots.
There were a lot more moments like this, and it’s the type of thing where you need the other person there with you as you talk about them to remember them correctly, but I couldn’t have wished for a better travel partner.
So thanks B. I miss you. See you in Mexico. **wink wink, nudge nudge**
Night Terrors
I can't remember if I've blogged about this but it's been on my mind of late so I've decided to share it.
Definition of Night Terrors
Night terrors are a sleep disorder characterized by anxiety episodes with extreme panic, often accompanied by screaming, flailing, fast breathing, and sweating and that usually occur within a few hours after going to sleep. Night terrors occur most commonly in children between the ages of four and 12 but can also occur at all ages. Affected individuals usually suffer these episodes within a few hours after going to sleep. They appear to bolt up suddenly, and wake up screaming, sweating and panicked. The episode may last anywhere from five to 20 minutes.
In Siem Reap we decided to stay at a place the Lonely Planet had recommended called the Jasmine Lodge. It was our 4th or 5th night there and I struggled to get to sleep because our room was directly below the pool table in the restaurant above. B seemed to be out in no time and I put on my ipod to drown out the noise of the pool sticks smacking against the pool balls as each clumsy, drunken shot was made by the noisy Irish upstairs. Earlier, B had asked the guys to keep it down and it actually worked for about 10 Thai minutes, until once again, the clanging started and the thud of the end of the pool stick hitting the spot on the floor right above my head continued. The noise raged on.
I’m not sure of the time but the minutes seemed to drag on as my mind drifted between that half awake state of consciousness and full blown sleep. Every so often I would awaken with an uneasy feeling weighing heavy on my senses and it took my mind back to the hours previously where I had asked B to close the curtains on the window and shut the bathroom door, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched… and now that feeling was creeping back into my sleepy state of mind. As the music began to do its job of relaxing me I could feel my arms jolt softly with the throws of approaching sleep and the noisy Irishmen began to drift away.
I started to dream and at first it was just those random, strung together dreams made up of your last thoughts in the moment before real sleep envelopes you. Soon however, I wasn’t waking to the sound of pool balls clanging and drunken Irish accents, I was waking to the sound of screaming. It’s the kind of thing only kids go through, their over active imaginations running away with them and blurring the line between reality and dreams and I had personally not experienced such night terrors since I was a kid when I watched Alien with my Dad. My ex experienced night terrors frequently and it’s one thing to actually have them, but it’s another to be the person waking up to someone shrieking in terror in the middle of the night and because they say that night terrors are only really common in children and people with suppressed emotional problems, I was completely stunned.
Now, let me just set the background story for you. I am the type of person who doesn’t really scare all that easily and I can watch horror movie after horror movie and I rarely jump at those surprising scenes that everyone in theatres gasps at because they didn’t expect the guy to be behind the door… come on…. I can read scary stories and still have the guts to check out weird late night noises while I’m on my own in the house, granted, with a baseball bat in hand, but still, you get the picture. I’m pretty tough skinned, so nightmares don’t normally plague me. So when I found myself waking every hour or so at the Jasmine Lodge I just brushed it off, rationally telling myself not to be stupid, they’re just dreams. Every time I woke I’d tell myself this and force myself back to sleep, but each time I did this I would go back to the same point in the same dream with the same feeling of dread it gave me and it would gradually get worse.
Of course I’d realise that I was dreaming, tell myself there was nothing to be afraid of and convince myself that nothing was under the bed or in the shadows but that feeling of uneasiness I’d had the whole time we’d been at the Jasmine Lodge was becoming increasingly prevailant, especially during my dreams. The feeling that I was being watched, like someone, or something, really was in the shadows just waiting to pounce on me the moment I came out from under my blanket, just wouldn’t leave me. So… under my blanket I stayed, like a child scared of the dark but too afraid to move and turn the light on to keep safe and this went on throughout the night until at about 3 or 4am when I literally woke up screaming. At this point though, I had no idea I was actually awake… I was still in some house… and it was the Jasmine Lodge but it wasn’t and our Dutch friends hadn’t made it to their boat and had been reported missing, and somehow I knew that they were still here, trapped in this place and there were all these staircases that lead nowhere… there was no way out… I was alone and there were these "things"… or "people"… with dirty black hair or fur all over their faces like monsters or dead people and I just couldn’t get away… they were grabbing me and pulling at me and all I could hear was this terrible screaming and as I fruitlessly tried to wake B from his seemingly peaceful slumber to help me get away I became more and more frantic… WHY wouldn’t he wake up!!? "WAKE UP!!!" I’d say… "HELP ME"… "THEY’RE AFTER ME"… I couldn’t wake B and they were going to get me and that terrible screaming… oh shit... and then suddenly… it hit me… the terrible screaming I kept hearing the whole time… it was ME!!!
At this point I was WIDE awake and I was screaming at B to wake up and help me when he finally rolled over, took out his earphones and husked in an exasperated, freaked out, half asleep voice "WHAT’S WRONG???!!!" As he stumbled out of bed in the darkness to turn on the light I broke into terrified tears and started to hyperventilate… I gasped "THEY’RE COMING TO GET ME!!! HELP ME!!" and I grabbed at him as though he was my only lifeline out of this terrible place. Poor B had no idea what to do and each time he moved more than an inch from me I shrieked that they were after me and that he couldn’t leave. It took a few minutes for him to try and calm me and bring me back to reality and when I was finally lucid there was just the sobbing left. No more petrified shrieking.
As my body calmed, and some resemblance of a clear mind returned I tried to relate to B what I was so scared of and could only really explain the feeling of dread and hate that it gave me. I was too afraid to go back to sleep even still, as I lay there completely awake and in reality and the feeling of being watched still haunted me and amazingly, even though I knew I was now awake and lucid I still feared that whatever I was so afraid of, which now seemed so stupid, was still waiting to get me. I demanded my friend climb into my single bed with me and I stayed tucked under those covers like my life depended on it, I was still shaking with fear, flinching at every sound and staring nervously at every shadow.
We were both wide awake now, so B and I talked for a while and he confessed that he had been experiencing bad dreams ever since our first night at the Jasmine Lodge, and he too, had that same dreadful feeling the dreams gave him afterward even though he couldn’t quite remember what they were about. We even questioned whether or not it was a coincidence us both having the same kinds of dreams that we’d never had before. I wouldn’t call myself a believer in such things as ghosts or spirits and even though I’ve had some pretty unexplainable things happen to me I still find it hard to just believe. But as I lay there with my friend in the early hours of dawn and as we chatted about how it was probably just a build up of emotional exhaustion from seeing too many horrible things and hearing too many terrible stories of the Khmer Rouge cruelty we settled that that’s probably the most likely, the most rational explanation. Yet there was still the question, was it just my subconscious catching up with me?… Or was it something more?
For almost 3 seconds we contemplated asking the owner of the Jasmine Lodge if it had been involved in any way during the KR regime, or if anyone who had lived there had been a victim… but those 3 seconds passed by VERY quickly and we decided that we just didn’t want to know… and when morning finally came we checked out of that place as fast as you could say it was just a bad dream.
A few days later our Dutch friends emailed to say that they had made their boat and were now safely at their destination in east Cambodia, our new guest house was fantastic and a lot cheaper than the Jasmine and everything seemed to be going well, but the moment we left the Jasmine is when I fell ill and it would be starting point of a series of ailments I would suffer for weeks to come including a bout of Delhi Belly and the infamous dust eye incident that sent me half blind for days. Yet somehow, that feeling I experienced those sleepless nights at the Jasmine Lodge, even though it’s well and truly gone, I’ll never forget. I have never… ever before in my life… been so terrified of… nothing… and it will stay with me.
Night terrors fuelled by emotional stress, early morning confusion and broken sleep? Or something more sinister?
You be the judge.
