The Death of a Friendship?
Picture two girls standing opposite each other. They have a ball filled with egg. That ball they toss back and forth to each other with the knowledge and trust that each will catch the ball safely before it falls to the ground and breaks... there is an exchange there... a central insight that even if it does fall and break, both will reach to catch it, even if they knock heads. This goes on for quite some time and their mutual respect for each other grows rapidly.One day however, one girl suddenly decides not to catch the ball anymore. The other girl continues on while the ball keeps falling and breaking on contact, leaving egg all over the place for her to clean up, hoping that in time her friend will decided she wants to catch the ball again, but that day never seems to come, and each day that passes she becomes more hurt and feels more rejected than she's ever felt. So I ask you this... how long do you think she can keep it up? How much is too much? When does someone decide to give up on someone else? Is there such a line? IS friendship really that fragile?
I used to think that I'd have my friends forever, that once you make such a huge bond with someone it would be very hard to break, that it would take something earth moving for me to feel like turning my back on everything I believe in simply because I have no option left.
Can you REALLY know someone the way you think you do? Or are they just letting you see what they want you to, and keeping the rest hidden? If that's the case, and there's a reason they are keeping things from you, at what point do you intervene and do the "I'm telling you this because I love you line."..you know the one.. the things that you KNOW will hurt them but feel they must hear in order for you both to get out of whatever black hole you have found yourselves in. Or do you not risk it at all?
I've had exactly one Best Friend in my life, she was tragically taken six years ago in a terrible accident. Since then and the term "best friend" has been a troublesome thing for me. I'm not sure why I feel the need to slot the people close to me into categories and most people will never understand it's meaning or purpose, but to me, to call someone other than Harely my "best friend" feels like a direct betrayal of everything we were together and everything we believed in about friendship, and let's not misunderstand.. we both had a complete, and full understanding and belief in what we thought friendship meant. And a lot of the time it simply meant mutual respect and unconditional, unspoken love. Take from that what you will, but that's how it was. So why do I feel it's so wrong to "label" someone other than Harely my best friend? Well, I supposed the answer to that is specialness. Everyone means something different. You love your husband in a different way to how you love your daughter, or how you love your dog. You feel differently about everyone around you and though you may not consciously label them this separation of emotions for different people does just that without you even realising you have.
But what's in a word? What do you consider a best friend to be? It may just be the person you go to the club with on a friday night and not have anything else to do with. It may be the person you met at school whom you still talk to after all these years even though you rarely see them. It may even be the person you spend pretty much every waking second with or have the most in common with, but whatever the circumstance, these are all "best friends", no?
So what do you do when you feel your "best friend"...maybe even someone you considered to be your "soul mate".... or even family, starts withdrawing from this friendship you have with them? Do you let them go with the philosophy on your mind that if you love them then set them free.... or do you hold on like hell and tell them you're not giving up without a fight? This is what I cannot come to terms with. I cannot make that decision no matter how hard I try to be. So... here I am... condumrum in tow.
posted by Lucyspeak @ 1:00 pm
1 Comments:
(((((Lucy)))))
Weve talked about this alot recently, and I know how you feel. Its nice to see you finally put it down in words though. Its a first step, and one I know was very hard for you.
I truely believe in the 'if you love someone set them free' philosophy. I believe in fate, and I believe that if things are meant to be a certain way, they will be that way no matter how hard you try to prevent them from going that way. One can not hold back a mighty river, no matter how hard they try!
I try not to label people as 'friend' or 'best friend' or things like that. You do love people differently, and no one but yourself would actually understand the differences in the labels. I know who my true friends are, and I treat them as such. Its someone you can be completely honest with no matter what you have to say, its someone you can trust with a secret and someone you can always turn to when you need them, no matter what is happening in their life at theat moment.
Take time to truely face your conundrum and truely decide what is best for you. I will be here to listen, for you to cry on my shoulder, or what ever else you need. I love you and consider you a true friend!
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